Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
