I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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