i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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