I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
