i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
