Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
