Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
please come you make the beer taste better
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
