We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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