We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
