I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
