my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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