Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
