He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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