She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
