when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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