I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
