I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
