No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize