I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I need water and some morals
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
