And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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