I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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