It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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