Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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