I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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