dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
