He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Randomize
