As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
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I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
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The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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