her vagine was all disorganized.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
