peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.