Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
