Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
