is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
There's always time for handjobs
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize