JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
