something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
