please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Well I just put wine in my tea
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
