Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
All I want is dick and wine.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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