do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
