I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
