I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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