I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
