My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
