No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
