I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
