my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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