I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
