i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
