that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
