Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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