I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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