I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
