I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
