biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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