Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
