i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
