I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
