So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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