1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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