five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
