I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
