my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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