Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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