Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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