You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
