i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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