im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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