i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize