shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
