she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
