I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
