His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
