dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
