mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
another moral hangover. fuck.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
