I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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