You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
