You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
