thus making me awesome and them whores
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
