Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
