Three words: puerto rican gang bang
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
