So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
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I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
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I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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