Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
did i just pee glitter
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
